DadTalk

One-Line Stories

Seth shaved a washcloth with my razor until Anne stopped him.

Several seedlings in our sky garden were killed by powerful cold winds.

Dumping water over our 15th-floor balcony is cool to watch.

Seth built a cool Lego city with mom.

I was so exhausted that I took two naps on Sunday.

Lael, who turns two in July, has outgrown most of her 2T clothes and is straining her 3Ts.

Our noisy neighbors are being evicted along with the rest of their college comrades sprinkled throughout our building.

Kidney stones hurt; a handful of kidney stones hurts more.

I’m just guessing here, but I’d say Anne’s sudden addiction to home-selling shows on HGTV means my wife wants a house again.

I want to take Seth camping but discovered this weekend that I left my gear in California storage.

One-Line Stories

Seth “won” a disposable film camera at ChuckE.Cheese’s, which made me realize it’s been about five years since I’ve had to get something developed.

Lael was following older brother Seth around and whacking him on the head until I gave her a time out.

The boats are slowly trickling into the harbor.

I bought the kids a portable miniature golf game.

My skin cleared up after installing a showerhead filter.

I mostly had to run to keep up with Seth on his bike last weekend.

Getting Seth into day camp will require me standing in line at 7 a.m. on Saturday.

Lael’s hair is so curly and fine, it takes several minutes to get all the tangles out during bath time.

The weather finally turned nice, but I’ve been indoors working through it all.

My wife, Anne, is now the web children’s editor for the national Poetry Foundation.

One-Line Stories

My kids screech with delight when I come home, unless they’re doing something more interesting than daddy.

Lael’s nighttime fussing has meant a serious lack of sleep for mommy and daddy.

In an odd role reversal, I prefer living in the city close to work and lakeside running trails while my wife prefers a house with lots of space for our stir-crazy kids and oversupply of books.

I often take Seth and Lael to the downstairs lobby so they can run around and wreak havoc on college kids coming home from work or heading out to party.

It’s mid-February but Spring keeps trying to assert itself.

The next few months will be crazy busy, so I apologize to everyone in advance for blowing them off.

Changing jobs, moving and living in two states during 2006 make for taxes that are no fun at all.

I’ve had to learn 30 or so programs in the last four months.

I buy lottery tickets not on the expectation of winning, but to keep my mind open to the possibilities of what winning would mean.

We really, really need a bigger freezer.

One-Line Stories

I had to call the security guard to hush our noisy neighbors again.

Growing feet and shoddy workmanship means Lael just received her third pair of boots in a four-month period.

I’m not sure how someone can live in the Midwest without a view of the big lake.

My utopian day would be to write in early morning followed by a run, hike or kayak; to work in the garden with the kids in the afternoon; to entertain friends for dinner; to play or study with the kids in the evening; and to spend some quality alone time with my wife before nodding off.

The lack of affordable, year-round farmer’s markets means I’ve had a more difficult time maintaining my weight in Chicago than California.

As soon as we can afford it, I want to buy annual passes to some of the museums out here.

My wife and I have to decide in a few months if we’re going to stay in our apartment, buy north in the suburbs or buy a condo in the city.

Members of the financial and computer industries have shockingly poor writing skills.

I organize all the laundry on Friday nights so I can wash it early Saturday mornings.

Traffic sucks.

One-Line Stories

While there were no women offering me sex in the laundry room this week, I did meet a trader and a future neurologist.

I’ve worked five out of the last six weekends.

I hear the words “Halsted, where’s Halsted!” in my head ever since my wife got lost on the way to a birthday party and called me up for directions.

Lael kicked me in the head, ribs and legs while sleeping last night.

Warming weather last night melted most of the snow, which was turning black from diesel-belching buses and trucks.

We’re planning to drive from Chicago to Connecticut sometime Christmas week to visit my wife’s family and celebrate Hanukkah a bit late.

Is 4-years-old too early for a boy to start acting like an adult (not counting meltdowns)?

My biggest regret about our apartment building is that it lacks a swimming pool.

Is 17-months to early for a girl to start acting like an adult (not counting breastfeeding?)

Seth insists on walking with me to the Japanese-Thai fusion restaurant – more than a half mile round trip – for carry out.

One-Line Stories

The old tub in our apartment has a weird drain that eats children’s washcloths, which then causes the entire thing to back up.

Seth prefers watching a Bob the Builder video over talking to dad via Skype video phone.

Lael won’t let me put her down when I come home from work, but she also won’t let me touch her when she wakes up in middle of the night to nurse.

Lael somehow disposed of the kitchen cabinet safety lock.

Seth danced with grandma for hours after she arrived a few days ago for Thanksgiving.

It isn’t easy keeping a car clean when you live in a 20-story apartment building.

It isn’t easy keeping an apartment clean when you have messy kids, for that matter.

Seth wants to put up square Jewish Christmas lights on our patio.

Lael keeps trying to put on her own clothes – or Seth’s.

I bought two sleds for an early holiday present for the kids – and me – in case we get early snow.

One-Line Stories

I was able to relive a bygone era by picking up my family from the gate at the airport rather than luggage claim.

Lael smiles every time I look at her.

Seth bravely ate fried zucchini for the first time.

As a homecoming present, I bought my wife a handful of Burt’s Bees lipsticks, the only brand she uses.

Our noisy neighbors have turned down the music but they open/close their door so often we’re still getting awakened.

Has anyone ever noticed the many UPS stores GOUGE?

Dell has yet to deliver the promised coupon despite my advocate’s best efforts.

I recently have been receiving requests to cross-link by just about every obscure website you can imagine.

Seth was very protective of his room – from Lael – because I finished setting it up while he was out of town.

So maybe my experience with Jiffy Lube was not an aberration – read the links – after all.

One-Line Stories

Seth and Lael are just hilarious – not to mention messy – when they take baths together.

I managed to drag a highly stressed, miniature Peace Lily across the country and keep it alive during our move.

My wife discovered there is an indoor swimming pool in Lincoln Park, which is just across from where we’re living.

I set up my tent in Seth’s new bedroom for use until our furniture arrives.

My new career means I finally have to learn about how this nation’s monetary system works.

Rumors continue that there will be layoffs at my old Los Angeles Times’ workplace.

Why does “fresh” produce always look 10 years old?

Buying a laptop with a built-in DVD player was one of my more intelligent purchases in recent years.

I will be happy to not see another hotel room for several months.

I’ve only been in the Midwest for a couple weeks, but I already have forgotten what a sunny day looks like.

One-Line Stories

Our back yard is looking like fruit salad because we haven’t had time to harvest the apricot and peach trees.

Our kids wake up earlier during the summer months, giving us less time to write … and sleep.

Expect an explosion of activity in our household starting in about a week.

There have been two recent – but distant – deaths in my family.

It’s easy to believe in global warming considering how warm this summer has been in Southern California.

Tonight we go on a real date to eat dinner and see An Inconvenient Truth.

Our pile of kids books is growing out of control again.

I finally installed Picasa on our computer.

My wife has become obsessed with learning how to trade using Investopedia.

I would kill for a quiet day off from the rest of the universe.

One-Line Stories

The termite inspector determined our house is under attack and will need tenting, plus several thousand dollars in repairs.

In the last three months I’ve put my foot in these states plus Washington, D.C.: California, Connecticut, New York, Georgia, Maryland, Virginia, Illinois and Wisconsin.

I’m fighting a small cold earned during all my travels.

Lael decided to skip cruising and go right to walking.

The heat is killing our grass, bushes and trees after an inexplicable sprinkler malfunction.

Come on down to Seth’s fourth birthday party that my wife is planning on Sunday.

My job has heaped four or five overlapping projects on my plate.

I’ve kept two projects from Seth’s preschool – dahlias and lima beans – alive in our window box for two months and growing.

I was disappointed to learn that those spiders living in the corners of our house failed to keep the termites in check.

Lael’s hands turned blue and purple after she ate a dozen frozen blueberries.