DadTalk

New Blog Reviews Kid Lit And It’s Written by My Wife

It was a well-intended present. Maybe it was a bedtime story or a fable. And your son or daughter just “loved” the book, demanding you to read it to him or her a thousand times.

The only problem? The book is awful, from a literary standpoint as well as plot. The characters are as interesting as a blade of grass. Well, help is on the way.

My beautiful wife, the Inland Empress, has a new blog called Book Buds, in which she reviews the literature being pumped out daily by writers around the nation.

The Empress, who is only doing new books, has a few reviews already posted. You can read her explanations about the blog, here and here, but here’s it all in a nutshell:

My inner child started getting rebellious. I thought maybe the world ought to know what I think about when I read this stuff. Hey, it’s a blog, okay? I mean, if there can be a gazillion-jillion blogs about politics – ugh – there can be one dedicated to children’s lit’rahtoor, thank you very much. …

I don’t pretend this blog will be complete, just fun to browse. Maybe there’s a few undiscovered gems in the slush pile, maybe there’s just the same ol’ same ol’. Then again, my son has no fewer than five books on fire engines and loves them all. When it comes to kiddie lit, maybe there can never be too much of a good thing.

And to the heck with the kids; just reading the Empress’s posts for your own amusement is reason enough to visit her new site.

CHILDREN’S STORIES Underwear Song

My third children’s story also comes from my wife at Inland Empress. She made up this song years ago for her eight nieces and nephews and probably will be singing it more and more to our son, Seth.

UNDERWEAR SONG
©Anne Boles Levy

Chorus:

Oh, we like to wear clean underwear
To leave the house without it we wouldn’t dare
Because for hygiene we truly care
We always wear clean underwear

The farmer in the dell makes the cornstalks bloom
But he’d never leave the room without his Fruit of the Loom
The policeman he may catch a thief,
But the lawyer can’t go to court without his briefs

(chorus)

The prima ballerina does a pretty dance
But she’d shock the audience without her underpants
In school we learn our ABCs
But you won’t get far without your BVDs

(chorus)

NOTE: Click on this link if you would like to know more about getting a story posted here.

CHILDREN’S STORIES Dinosaur Song

My second children’s story comes from my wife at Inland Empress. She admits it really is more of a song, but hey, it tells a story and that’s what is important to me. The Empress didn’t have a specific tune in mind for this one, so come up with your own. By the way, I suspect adults will enjoy this as much as children do.

DINOSAUR SONG
©Anne Boles Levy

Great big dinosaurs come out to stomp around
Their great big footsteps shake and quake the ground
They can flatten mountains into a tiny mound
And their great big roars are quite a scary sound

They have big, shiny teeth that they brush twice a day
Or their smelly bad breath would chase their friends away
They’d be very sad without other dinosaurs to play
So they eat chocolate mints served on a silver tray

They wear funny hats that fall down around their eyes
Around their long, thick necks they might wear purple ties
They’re nicely dressed, considering their size
They listen to their Mommas, who must be very wise

Have you ever seen a dinosaur sipping spearmint tea?
They’re much more polite than either you or me
They never throw a tantrum in front of company
And they give up their seat to someone elderly

So if you see a dinosaur stomping down your street
With polka-dotted sandals upon her scaly feet
You might invite her over for a bite to eat
Some daffodils or pansies might make the perfect treat

With a big, toothy smile and great, green-eyed wink
She’ll pen a thank-you note in disappearing ink
And offer to wash all the dirty dishes in the sink
Sure makes you wish they hadn’t gone extinct

NOTE: Click on this link if you would like to know more about getting a story posted here.

CHILDREN’S STORIES A Police Caper

As I mentioned in an earlier post, DadTalk is soliciting bedtime stories parents tell their children. My first story is from Renee at LAPD Wife. As you can imagine, stories in their household tend to be police related.

THE CASE OF THE MISSING SQUAD CAR
©LAPD Wife

Christopher’s Daddy came into his room one morning to say goodbye as he left for work – just like he does every morning.

He lifted Christopher up from the bed, spun him around twice like a helicopter and dropped him back on the bed before giving him a hug and kiss goodbye.

“Be good, be safe and take care of your Mom and sister,” he always says as he leaves.

Christopher waved goodbye, then climbed out of bed to get dressed. He put on his pants, his favorite red T-shirt and his shoes, and then walked to the kitchen to see what Mommy was making for breakfast.

Nicole, Christopher’s baby sister, was happily throwing cereal on the floor, while his Mom was just setting some pancakes on the table.

“Eat up peanut,” she said. “You get to help watch your sister while I work in the office today.” Christopher’s Mom had an office in the house, in a little room near his and Nicole’s bedroom. Whenever Christopher was extra special good, his Mom would let him play games on her computer or print out neat pictures to color.

After breakfast, Christopher played with Nicole while Mommy swept up all the food off the floor under the baby’s high chair. Babies do get very messy when they eat, especially if they are having lots of fun.

Christopher and Nicole went to his room to play with their toys while Mommy turned on her computer.

Christopher and Nicole had a fun time playing together with his cars and blocks. Chris built tall, tall towers and Nicole would knock them down with one of his toy cars. Nicole was very happy when she was able to knock things over.

A little while later, their Mommy came in to watch them play. “Wonderful, Chris!” she exclaimed over his towers. “That’s my girl, Nicole!” Mommy chuckled as falling blocks clattered down around Nicole.

“Who wants a snack?” Mommy asked. “I do!” said Chris jumping up in the air.
“Goops, goops,” said Nicole, which means “I want grapes” in baby talk.

Later, when Chris went back to his room to play with his favorite police car, it was missing. “Officer Christopher, on the case,” he said, as he put on his special police badge Daddy had given him.

First, he went to Mommy to ask her if she’d seen his car. “Hmmm,” Mommy said. “The last place I saw it was when Nicole used it to knock down your tall, tall tower.”

“A clue!” exclaimed Christopher, running to his room. He carefully surveyed the scene. There was Nicole, playing with a toy choo-choo train. Next to her was the pile of blocks from the tall, tall tower she had knocked down earlier.

And Christopher remembered what Mommy said – that Nicole had used his toy police car to knock down the tower. He carefully dug through the pile of blocks and there it was!

“Hooray, hooray,” he cheered. Then he put his police car back on its shelf, where baby Nicole couldn’t reach it again.

And when Christopher told his Mommy how he had followed her clue to find his missing police car, she was so happy that she gave him a big, big hug. And when Daddy came home from work, he was very proud of his son, Officer Christopher, who solved the case.

Submit Your Kids’ Bedtime Stories

Gran thought the attic needed cleaning out. She let Harry help. Harry found an old box all covered with dust. He lifted the lid … DINOSAURS!

The words above are the opener from “Harry and the Bucketful of Dinosaurs,” one of Seth’s favorite books. As all parents know, stories are one of the key ways we teach our children how to read and how to think.

Some parents rely on books. Others make up stories. Since Seth is only 2, I haven’t come up with that many bedtime stories yet, and I’m almost embarrassed to write down the words of the one he likes to hear the most. Let’s just say that the tale involves airplanes and beetles – the bugs, not the music group.

So here’s my idea: write down your favorite stories and email them to me at stories@dadtalk.net. While I can’t afford to send any prizes out – hey, this is a free site – I’ll publish the best of them.

You keep the copyright, but I reserve the right to edit them for style and content. Don’t forget to leave your email address in case I have any questions for you. Indicate if you want the story published anonymously or with your name. Or I can just publish your URL or email address. It’s up to you.

Oh, the stories should be under 1,000 words and be for children under 10. Yes, that’s an arbitrary number, so if you come up with something for 11-year-olds, don’t worry about it. And please, don’t plagiarize any published works.

And if you don’t send in any responses, I’ll make you read the beetle-airplane story.