The addict rifles through the mail piling up on his kitchen counter.
Late electric bill.
Late gas bill.
A warning from his mortgage company.
“Crud. It’s gotta be here somewhere.”
Half of the pile falls, scattering on the floor.
John bends over to pick up the pile. There, just under the cable bill – that one is always paid on time – is what John is looking for.
“Pay off all your bills!”
“Low your interest rates!”
John shakes as he opens up the envelope. A rush of warm liquid power courses through his body. “You are approved for up to $8,000!”
“I swear, this is the last time I’ll ever borrow money,” John says quietly to the cat.
Meanwhile, deep in the recesses of America’s financial power, the Federal Reserve Board considers its next move to keep Green Crack flowing out to businesses and consumers.
The Credit Czar considers his recent efforts:
“Lower interest rates. Check.
“Make it easier for financial institutions to borrow. Check.”
“Let banks use worthless holdings as collateral to borrow money. Check.”
“Print more money. Check.”
But the Credit Czar is worried. Each attempt to restore stability to credit markets has acted more like a shot of Viagra. The market shoots up, then collapses in a heap a few days or weeks later. Will the Czar’s latest attempt to overdose the markets on Viagra result in permanent damage to key organs?
Even with this latest infusion of market-boosting drugs, it’s unlikely those in the Credit Cartel will start lending to each other. Full-blown warfare has been breaking out in their ranks. Some of the bigger boys are shooting down their Hedge Fund partners at a rate not seen since the Medellín Cartel wars.
The Credit Czar shakes his head in annoyance when he thinks of the federal government. The politicians seems totally clueless that the rampaging addiction quickly destroying the nation must be treated now! He thinks back on some of their comments to date:
“Punish those who abuse Green Crack!”
“Help out the ‘innocent victims’ of Green Crack!”
“Clean out the old Green Crack by loading up Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and the FHA with trillions in debt! That will allow Americans to borrow safe, new-and-improved Green Crack!”
Can’t they get their act together, the Credit Czar wonders? Why won’t the U.S. government just buy up all the bad debt already so we can start the cycle anew? Can’t the politicians see my banker buddies are really hurting?
An hour later, John pulls freshly-delivered mail out of the box to make room for his brand new credit application. A letter from his lender catches his eye: “You must vacate your property in one week. You have been foreclosed.”
It’s small comfort to John that he’s not alone, joining millions of Americans suffering credit withdrawal. Sucked in by slick advertisements, cultural distortion, unscrupulous pushers and pure greed, it’s so hard to give up his drug of choice. But there simply is not enough Green Crack on the street anymore.