By now, you’ve probably heard about The Associated Press probe that found all manner of pharmaceuticals in our drinking water. Since the economy sucks, I was thinking this could be good news for money-strapped Americans:
Doctor: Hello fellow Americans! I’m so glad you could join this little forum! I know the cost of drugs has gotten out of hand, so I’m here to answer all your questions on where to find the cheapest drugs.
John: Doctor, I suffer from epileptic seizures, but my insurance won’t cover “unwarranted” prescriptions. What can I do?
Doctor: Ah, this is an easy one. Just move to Southern California! There is plenty of anti-epileptic medicine in the drinking water there!
Alice: Um, Doctor? My kids keep catching strep throat at school, but I can never get a doctor’s appointment when they’re sick. What can I do?
Doctor: Move to Tucson, Arizona! Because antibiotics are in the water there, your kids will never get strep again!
Franklin: My doctor says that I have high cholesterol, but now that I’m retired and can’t figure out the Medicare drug program, I was wondering where I should live?
Doctor: New Orleans!
Pat: I’m having sex problems. I…
Doctor: San Francisco!
Lou Ann: Doctor, I have asthma, high cholesterol, chronic pain, epilepsy, mental illness and heart problems. I can’t live in several different cities at once!
Doctor: Philly! Covers all the conditions you mentioned!
Hugh: But doctor, I can’t move; my job is in Chicago, and city officials won’t tell us what’s coming out of Lake Michigan.
Doctor: Good news! I’m coming out with my own line of bottled waters called AquaRx! We have 10 of the most drug-laden tap water cities already on the shelves! Philly! San Fran! Washington! And 5 blends! Drugs no longer need be expensive! Free samples for everyone!
Cheers and mad rush for water bottles being brought in by the crew.
See, I can find good news in bad.